Every year my Board of Education had a party (actually, we had an average of one a month, but once a year we had a really big party). Usually we went to Asahikawa and slept in hotels with coin-operated televisions (for what kind of channels, I'll let you guess).

My last year in Japan they decided to go all out and truck us country bumpkins to the big city. We had the obligatory kneel-down banquet with wine and and sake and sashimi (I don't drink but I do like fresh fish).

The ni-jikai and san-jikai (second and third parties) saw a group of us carousing Susukino, the largest entertainment district north of Tokyo's Shinjuku. One of the graduates from Furen High School where I taught had become a manager at club, and so we went to visit.

I know what they teach in the English curriculum at Furen High, but this place was amazing. The waitresses were men, dressed to the hilt and acting it all the way, with feminine gestures, speech, and all (which are more pronounced in Japan than in the States).

The one kept calling me "Bob" because that seemed to be the only name for a foreigner she knew. The other, Ai-chan, was just cute.

In Japan, a cross-dresser and maybe a transvestite in general is called a new half (), after such denotation in a song by a popular singer. For more information on how to incorporate this into a relevant English lesson, click here!

At this time in my life in Japan, I had become acutely aware of when people were at dis-ease when talking to me because I was a foreigner. I suspect a few in my office even had to go sit down and pop a few nitro pills after asking the gaikokujin if he'd ante up for the last office festivity.

So, I figured as a general rule that the self-imposed "outcasts" of Japanese society, being more open to difference, would be more accepting of someone like myself, a white, middle-class, soon middle-age male... in short, a peculiarity. Punks (called Yankees because they "look like Americans"), avant garde artists, mavericks – all of them I could relate to as people without the intervening barrier of "I'm Japanese, you're not" period before they relaxed.

So what does it say when that same teeth-sucking, eye-darting, eto-ne, dou shio? manner is manifested when a new half engages you?

Maybe I should open my own club and do shows.

After entertaining the guests for an hour, they had a show, which was well done. Normally when I watched such performances in Japan they quickly flew over my head because of the language difficulties. But this one had a lot of lascivious humor, so I understood it perfectly. Don't worry, nothing lewd, Mom.

Now the people with me comprised some of the younger members of the Board, but also along was my immediate boss, Kawata-san. She's a hoot and a good friend at that. I taught her three kids in school, and they're each very much individuals. All the same, she's a good mom and I admire the way she's brought up her children.

When we left, she was pretty tired (sake always had extreme effects on her, such as drunkenness). The next day I asked her if she liked it, and she said yes, but it wasn't as good as the first two times.

- Bumpkin